THE OOZLEFINCH

Oozlefinch holding 3 Russian bombers

THE OOZLEFINCH, A MYTHICAL BIRD, HAS A LONG AND DISTINGUISHED HISTORY WITH THE MANY U.S. ARMY ARTILLERY BRANCHES. OUR PARTICULAR SUB-SPECIES BELONGS TO THE AIR DEFENSE ARTILLERY FAMILY AND HAD EVOLVED TO POSSESS UNIQUE QUALITIES. IT WAS COMPLETELY FEATHERLESS, FLEW BACKWARDS AT SUPERSONIC SPEEDS, AND PREYED ON SOVIET BOMBERS, WHICH IT SNATCHED OUT OF THE SKY WITH ITS POWERFUL TALONS.

THE ORDER OF THE OOZLEFINCH WAS A DISTINGUISHED AWARD GIVEN TO NIKE MISSILEMEN WHO DEMONSTRATED SPECIAL AND UNIQUE QUALITIES. THOUGH THE CRITERIA FOR THE AWARD WAS A CLOSELY GUARDED SECRET, IT WAS KNOWN TO BE NEGOTIABLE!