Nike Missile Humor

Nike Humor

This section is primarily geared for all Nike Veterans, but can be appreciated by all who stroll through. Some of the statements may puzzle a non-vet, but rest assured, they're funny. Duties on a Nike Missile Site were no nonsense, taken seriously, and mistakes were not tolerated. Yet there always is a time to stop and reflect, and yes, put a bit of humor to it.

I thought it is suppose to be warm here!

I told you not to play with it! I just hope we can find all the parts!

The chairs are for the "In-Flight" mechanic.

Honest sarge! The ditch was straight when we dug it!

I tell ya! All we have to do is push it a little bit.

No I'm not the gate guard. I'm here to guard the dirty snow.

What's a photographic flame producing device anyway?

Okay. Shirts get the ball first. The missile is out of bounds.

Maybe it's a bowling ball bag!

Not only does it go round and round, but it catches birds!

I don't know! I was here on a tour when someone yelled "Blazing Pies", or something like that. Then everyone ran in there and I haven't seen them since!

Still can't find all the parts from last time!

Yes sir, you're right! There was a missile on that rail this morning.

The Launcher Area is down in the valley. Uh, hold that thought.

A true "in-flight" mechanic!

There are to be NO photos taken inside the vans!

And I'll repeat it if your didn't understand. There are to be NO photos taken inside the vans.

Just as long as everyone is clear on the photo taking thing.

Remember! I don't want to repeat myself.

Oh, and by-the-way. This includes no photos of the launching area.

Private! How many times do I have to tell you. You can't swan dive into the motorpool!

Of course, life on a Nike Site isn't all that bad. For instance, there are plenty of recreational activities for the soldier to explore. The golf course presents a daily challenge and is rated at a par 72. One could play either the front or back nine for a quick round, or take on the entire 18 holes. Carts are provided at a nominal fee and E-3s and below are always available to caddy. One must be careful though not to hold any clubs over their head for too long since they do tend to attract RF energy, should the radars be on. Some golfers have complained of their clubs becoming extremely warm on the 9th and 18th holes. In the winter months, cross country skiing takes the place of golf and there is always duck and goose to challenge the hunter in our one acre pond. To set the mood the entrance to the site is a tree lined lane, which compliments the surroundings. Valet service is available for a nominal fee.

Hello, General Smith. Huh, yeah, this, this is Captain Jenkins. We sort of have a small problem here. Don't know how it really happened, but we sort of, well, sort of launched a missile. Yes sir, I know that's not too good, but that's really not the real problem. Well, you see sir, we can't stop it! That's correct sir, it won't self-destruct! Well don't get mad at me sir, I didn't build it! Where's it going? Well sir, it's sort of going in circles, then up and down, you know! Well it was an accident sir. I really didn't mean to fire it! I must of pressed too hard on the switch. The warhead sir! Well that's really what I wanted to talk to your about. You do have a sense of humor, don't you sir.

I thought the booze was for after SNAP!

All this and I still can't get Howdy Doody!

It's not that my jacket is buttoned wrong. It's that my right shoulder is higher than my left!

Somewhere it's got to tell me how I turn this thing on!

Mail Call!!

The good! The bad! And the real ugly!!!!!

Why are we so happy?

I told them it wouldn't fit!

One day in the future someone will look at this picture and wonder what the beer can was doing on my desk and whether or not I was drinking it. Actually, I was just sitting here polishing my brass.

Pocket what! I never play that!.

My job is to keep the rats from chewing through the cables!

Ah! The college dorms!

That's right! I pushed it up there myself!

Why am I so happy????

I told him not to eat that fish.

LAND HO! What do you mean land ho! I'm in the Army not the Navy!

Before and after. Okay! Which one is before and which one is after?

They help keep the moagies away!!

And I thought it was horse meat they were feedin' us!

They call me, "Boy Wonder."

I can also whistle like a train!

Try and take my Playboy!

How much beer did we drink last night?

I told sarge that there was a short in the arming circuit! He had to find out for himself. Bye, bye sarge.

No sir, I'm the civilian barber. Specialist Jones gave me the phone as he ran out the door. Again! He told me to tell you that a Mike-23 is smoking in the pits and he is out of here! Whatever that means. Anyway sir, about the haircuts.